The spiritual battlefield and growing responsibility

One thing that happened today is for the first time since my new situation (living where I am) my old self sort of showed itself, but it's all new. I was snapped at (in a way where the person exposes contempt for you), and I didn't react the usual (old) way at first, I knew it was internal-considering (Work term) I was feeling, yet a moment or two later despite 1) being awake to it, and 2) having the power to not indulge in it, I lashed back, moderately, though with equal contempt. Worse because though I could see the contempt in my own words I know he couldn't see the contempt he showed me.

Here's the point: I am now not a rookie soldier on the battlefield. What I did was delinquent. I was being a delinquent soldier in Christ's army. As usual the world lets you know. I went out right after that and was met with unusual crude violence/behavior from people, not directly, but enough to let me know those forces are out and about and when I am delinquent they appear and get closer. A reminder.

I could only pray. I'm good at that when I have no other option. Ask forgiveness and ask for strength and ask for what only God can give, grace, his will, ask for God to give the most important things to the person you lashed back at. Then repeat as needed.

But the battlefield is real. And when I indulged resentment (I'll not use a Work term again) that was a failure in the spiritual world on the battlefield not only letting myself down but letting my King and fellow soldiers down. You can know this and feel it. You control your environment with your level of being. When you fall and are a delinquent soldier you let the army you are a part of down. It's serious. Little things seemingly, very serious depending on how far you have developed and how much responsibility you have been given.

The warfare is real. You do your part by being awake and loving your enemies, but in that conscious shock(s) real manner.