I just saw something

I just saw something about myself that explains to me some of my anchorless condition I've been in for quite a few years. When you all first met me I was still the Homer, Plutarch, Shakespeare, Parzival person who knew the Work and wrote about it. I can see that 'me' clearly. Then... I transitioned into the necessary Christian territory. This was necessary, but left me less sure of my surroundings. The average Christian and Christian environment is a bit shallow to say the least.

And I don't want to make it sound facile, but 9/11, that event and the date attached to the event, was some kind of strange marker or milestone as it turns out. Because it happened for everybody it seems facile to claim it as a milestone for yourself personally, but I think it has to do with the otherworldly and plan of redemption aspects of that event. It was a biblical event, in other words. A shock on a universal scale. The Work stuff was more innocent prior to that date (I shouldn't say that though because it was dead real no matter world events; we're not attached to world events in that sense). I mean even the writing and exchanges and all that on Work forums. After 9/11 all that was a bit fractured and scattered about.

Then I converted. You convert when you begin to learn real biblical doctrine. Learn what you are to have faith in and what you are to repent of, and why it all is. Why you need a saviour. Regeneration happened years - many years - prior, but actual conversion happened after 2001. (Though I have to toss in the fact that I was learning real doctrine prior to that too, but it was more an intellectual pursuit than the activity of real conversion. But we always have to write about these things as if they are more defined and clear cut than they are.)

So that's why I've been in this drift, and havn't given a sense of wholeness and anchored understanding like I perhaps could prior to 9/11.

I broke myself down again to accept the orthodox Christian teaching. Just as I got broken down prior to connecting with Work teaching in a real way.

Hence my juvenile style (intentionally, yet still juvenile) when interacting on Christian subjects.

But I am coming out of that and consolidating now. Which means I can discourse on the Plan of Redemption from understanding. And what the mystics know from understanding.